Corpse

photo by Symic

I tended to my corpse. Tried to awaken it. Gave it a good shake. Poked it in the side. After a while it began moving. It mumbled odd sounds. The mouth opened and let out short, clipped moans. The eyes looked at me. Chalk-white. Without pupils. The body rose and braced itself against my shoulder. It struggled with balance but we slowly moved forward. Step by step. Out of the room. Through the corridor and to the reception desk to check out. The receptionist looked up and smiled. I turned in the keys and slunk out through the revolving doors.

Junk Mail

photo by FLC

I walked into the street and was run over by a truck. Just then I realized the chance that had led to the catastrophe. That I forgotten to unplug the iron and had to go back inside. That the mailman came and I received the mail and had to put it in the kitchen. That the bike was impossibly difficult to unlock hence taking longer than usual. With the result of the truck-confrontation in mind I had to do something about it. I simply walked back in time and ignored the mail– it was a bunch of junk mail anyway.

The Dreams

photo by DarthAbraham

The first dream I woke from just before I woke from the third one. It made me linger in the second one a little longer before the fourth one followed after the fifth came to an end. There I existed considerably longer than I had in any other dreams previous. There was something about a beautiful girl who I wanted and who wanted me just as much back. A sort of nirvana you could say. Immediately afterward everything dissolved and I proceeded to the sixth dream where I fell asleep and dreamt that I dreamt and lost track of everything.

Popcorn

photo by Richard Faulder

I felt a tooth was loose, so I pulled it out. I felt that the others were loose too, so I pulled them out as well. Each one. Once I had picked all the teeth out, I put them in a bowl. It looked like popcorn. My wife loves popcorn. I handed her the bowl and asked if she wanted some. She looked approvingly. She reached for some but just as she was about to grab some out, I pulled the bowl away and said that I was just kidding. Those are not to be eaten. Those are my teeth.

The Bed

photo by enggul

When I woke in the morning everything was gone. Not a single piece of furniture remained. Well, except the bed in which I slept. The hall was empty – clothes were gone, I only had the t-shirt, briefs and socks that I wore. The kitchen was emptied– the cutlery, glasses, plates, table and chairs. In the living-room only marks existed where the furniture had been. I opened the door to one of the closets – empty. It felt downright peculiar. But I walked back there and carried the bed to the balcony and chucked it out and immediately it felt much better.

Naked

photo by *Pete

I stood in the shower when my friend entered and put a pistol to my head. I put on a towel and ran into the living-room. There sat my sister with a butcher’s knife. I ran through the house and maneuvered around family members who gestured toward me with all kinds of weaponry. I came out on the lawn and found a pistol by the shrubbery. The people approached and I began shooting at them. The recoil made me drop my towel and I stood there naked on the lawn as the people stopped their advances and burst out laughing.

Public

I sat on a public restroom, which was public in the truest sense. There were no walls- only a toilet in the middle of the floor as people passed around and looked at the latest sales while taking a peek at me as if I were an exhibit. To make matters worse, I noticed that I was stark naked. I covered myself with my hands and tried to think positively- my thoughts were something I could keep to myself, that they couldn’t take away from me. Just then someone raised a camera and snapped a picture as he scornfully smiled.

Inflation

photo by Paalia

I was on a beach of fluorescent green sand. I looked up and noticed the sky was a fluorescent green, as was the sun, the water, and clouds. It wasn’t like there wasn’t some difficulty to distinguish one thing from another. The water was warm, and you could breathe beneath the surface. I dove and discovered a ship containing fluorescent gold coins. Lasse, Micko and grandfather Sven were also there, and we dove and stuffed our pockets. We emptied them out above. Dove down and gathered more. It wasn’t like you didn’t ponder a little about their value, considering inflation.

Cheating

My best friend’s boyfriend was cheating with me just because she had cheated before with another friend’s best female-friend who had slept with me and my boyfriend at the same time which made the boyfriend extremely upset about such a life although such experiences occurred in his childhood with cousins who had fooled around with for example my best friend’s girlfriend, his friend’s sister, my aunt, my uncle, my big brother and my mom’s cousin’s daughter who by the way I had also slept with a number of times, and who wasn’t so bad if I may say so myself.

Penis

I stood on the beach with my pecker in the air and two naked girls beside me. I asked them what they thought and one of them was hesitant and said she preferred circumcised ones. The other girl thought it seemed okay though. She thought that the size would perhaps fit her. She dragged me over to a beach chair and pulled down her panties. Just as I was about to penetrate her I remembered my mom was sunbathing nearby. I grabbed a blanket and crawled under it to wait. But when I looked out the girl had taken off.

 

Unique

I was a tourist attraction of some kind, and people traveled from far and wide to see me. They stood there astonished, took out their cameras and took photos, walked up beside me and posed. Sometimes people would come up to me and pat me and say I was exceptional. On one occasion there was a professor who said that I was a splendid specimen. The best he had seen in his entire life. Personally, I didn’t have the ability to see myself from the outside and had a hard time determining what it was that made me so special.

 

Roses

Whenever I was sad a guy with a bouquet of roses would always appear. Even if I was at work and on the toilet, sure enough he would knock on the door and hand me a bouquet. Same thing at home- when I was in bed and down-spirited, he would show up and extend his hand. Since it was fall and I felt unusually depressed, the house was overflowing with red, white, yellow, orange, and blue roses. It became a sea of flowers and made it impossible to even leave. I kept myself alive with the nutrients from the petals.

Shopping Mall

photo by faster panda kill kill

I was at the shopping mall, but I had forgotten what it was I was there to buy. I searched my pockets but couldn’t find the list. I took out my cell phone to call home and ask but just then the battery died. At the same moment the lights in the store went out. It was pitch-dark and nothing could be seen. I grasped my way along the shelves with my arms outstretched. I bumped into others and apologized profusely while I continued to the next shelf and the next in a continuous search for something, whatever it was

Three

Photo by eatnutmeg

My friend was three individuals. He consisted of three dwarves with the same appearance, but different sizes. The tallest was four feet seven, the middle-dwarf three feet seven and the shortest was just over three feet. The three when together formed a unit. The same occurred in separation. They were as much an individual as when all together. The shortest dwarf was amused by my confusion. The middle one was confounded. The tallest one indifferent. But one had no choice but to accept this. That was the way he was. I liked him anyway. Whoever he was for the moment.

Rock, Paper, Scissors

My friends and I played rock, paper, scissors with the loser of our game to blow his brains out. It was inevitably going to get sloppy and sticky in the living-room. Perhaps worst was when Micko managed to shoot himself in the head without dying. He just staggered about and I got angry with him as the blood had spattered on the stereo and the tv- the new flatscreen. He shot himself again and finally came to rest under the coffee table. I was the last man standing and considered playing a round with myself, but it just felt silly.

Snake

A snake had crawled into my briefs and had managed to wrap itself around me. From my behind, up my crotch, along my willie, and then making a lap behind my back. It felt so uncomfortable to have the ice cold reptile against my body- who knew what it was capable of, so I did everything I could to remove it. I grabbed and pulled without avail. I took off my pants and pried with all my might. Eventually it broke and split in two. One part I flushed down the toilet. The other slithered between my legs and disappeared.

Dog Sport

In the cafeteria, on one of the tables, stood a puppy over which one would jump, while just grazing it, and without causing it any harm. A mass of people stood in line to make the jump and had to pay a slip of cash for the opportunity. When it was my turn I took a run forward at a gallop. I picked up a tremendous amount of speed as I approached the table, yet just as I was about to make my jump, my foot somehow slipped and I landed just aside it, hurting my ass so goddamn bad.

Avocado

I was on vacation in Thailand and felt like getting a tattoo. I stood there for some time and pondered which design to choose. At last I decided on an avocado. I wanted it on my back. It was going to be dark green and ridged. It was going to be big. To cover my entire back from ass to shoulders. My friend Lasse who accompanied me shook his head and thought I was screwy. I imagined that the tattoo would go perfectly with the cocktail tomatoes that I’d gotten tattooed all over my chest and belly the previous summer.

Marriage

I was about to get married to a woman who in no way reminded me of my ex who I had been hopelessly in love with. She simply had had everything a man could wish for: beauty, charisma, elegance, education, a prominent career et cetera. But now I had moved on with my life as I had realized it was getting too late to win her over, if that was a possibility, or to find someone who could even remotely compare. I took out the rings and they shone and sparkled in the light that came in through the skylight.

Copies

My family was abducted by aliens and replaced with identical copies.  No matter how one looked at them it was impossible for an outsider to tell any difference. But if you had lived with them your entire life like me it was pretty obvious. For example, my little brother’s birthmark had switched places on his buttocks – which after all was impossible to prove. And my mom, her left cheek’s freckles had swapped location with those of her right. Myself, I was entirely the same, at least physically speaking.  But my soul and thoughts were exchanged for I don’t know what.

Klutz

For each body part removed with the axe a family member was saved.  I started with the ten of my toes for my siblings, their loves, and their children. I continued to my feet for my grandmother and grandfather. For my cousins I extracted my fingers, only to later feel overwhelming regret as I could no longer grip my axe to continue.  Despite all efforts the axe would slip from my hand and stick in the floor beneath me.  Later, I sat there, prostrate, crying, bleeding, and mutilated.  Dad walked in and said I was one hell of a klutz.